'Self-Portrait' by Celia Paul: A Review
Review by: Kate Zaliznock
Category: Non-fiction, autobiography
Rating: 4.5/5
Length: 213 pages
“One of the main challenges I have faced as a woman artist is the conflict I feel about caring for someone, loving someone, yet remaining dedicated to my art in an undivided way. I think that generally men find it much easier to be selfish. And you do need to be selfish. Ideally you need ‘to care and not to care.’ You need to give yourself completely, while at the same time seeing things from a distance. Every important creative act has this duality: of giving everything and then of letting go, so that the created work can have a life of its own.” -Celia Paul
Celia Paul’s Self-Portrait is a book that could stir many assumptions before reading. The archetypical dynamic between artist and muse is one that has been depicted many times over, and as Paul plays opposite the infamous Lucian Freud and his numerous other lovers, predictions can be established. What Self-Portrait reveals in reality is a complex web of power dynamics, adoration and repulsion that encompasses the Freud/Paul relationship. More importantly, Freud is hardly the colossus in this intimate reflection of an artist’s life--that role is filled by Paul and her deep devotion to her work. Her commitment to solitude and privacy is one that cannot be broken by another--including Freud, their son, Frank, and her husband, Steven Kupfer.
Self-Portrait is an excellent example of how exploring the depths of an artist’s psyche can cement a connection to her work. Whether Paul’s aesthetic choices appeal to the viewer, learning the backstory of a piece’s origin leads to an appreciation for the imagery’s presentation. Paul’s diary excerpts are particularly poignant, and her portraits of her mother and sisters are perhaps the deepest representations of emotion she has created.
Paul’s nearly lifelong devotion to solitude has led to a renowned authenticity. The window into her world she has opened through Self-Portrait is one that few artists provide, and readers rarely forget.
“Always when you turn to go
There is a grace in your turning
So that I would call you back
But I know
That it is the coldness of your going that I crave
And not your returning.”
-Poetry from Celia Paul’s school days
Celia Paul, Family Group, oil on canvas, 1984-5